i dreamt that i was doing pull-ups to impress a girl i never saw before. she was foreign and i was in the middle of the street with one pull-up bar in front of me and my friend staring, waiting for me to do a rep. i cant remember what the girl looked like besides that she was in fact ready to go exercise. which obviously made me that much more nervous. to put you on perspective, i was always a big guy and not in the muscular or tall kinda way, i was made of fat so pure i didn’t know why i wasn’t dead yet. and since i’ve started going to the gym, being able to carry my own body weight has been a goal.
i didn’t get to do a pull-up in the dream i had last night, i didn’t even touch the bar. i felt that i was scared that although i know i could do it, i just don’t have the commitment to. not that i don’t have the commitment to do one goddamn rep that will take me like 4 seconds. no it isn’t like that. my noggin is fuelled by ego on times that i don’t need ’em. i was thinking since i was going to impress this foreigner with the outstanding contraction of my back muscles, i would have to commit to a relationship with her. realistic, i know.
so i walked away staring at the ground feeling defeated as i wake up from my pathetic slumber with some back pain that was caused by a gym session without a warmup. i felt really depressed as i know there are a lot of fear, a lot of these serpents in my mind that tingles and rattles, messing up my mojo. it all came with growing up i guess, i don’t know if it happens to everyone, but i felt an outstanding amount of responsibility that i barely dragged around everywhere when i’m suppose to carry it. on top of that im living in a new environment for school abroad from my home country, taking a course that seems to be my biggest and last chance to not burden my parents monetarily. a sad day for a sad chump, i guess.